Get advice.

Voices in my head: (One has an American accent. The other one is an asshole.)

So, ya wanna start an advice column?
But you don’t have any people asking for your advice?
That’s right.
How the fuck are you going to write an advice column when no one is asking for your advice?

Before I start rambling on about writing an advice column, I would like to take a moment to point out that in any given dialogue you can answer three consecutive questions with, “Yes.”, “That’s right.”, and “Dick.” and it will always fit quite naturally into the conversation. You should try it out right away. For sure. Do it. You won’t regret it. And that, my friends, is a piece of advice.

Also, I completely made it up. Just now. TADAA! Advice column: achievement unlocked.

Give it a try.
I’ll solve all of your problems and post that brilliant shit to the blog.