All units be advised: “Secret Date to the Dance” maneuver has been identified at Clement Elementary.

Waiting for more intel…

Stand by…

We have confirmation on the ground. Secret op is in progress.

Wait.

Sources indicate BFF has been leading the op.

Stand by…

We have an “UNEXPECTED CORSAGE”! I repeat, we are affirmative for “UNEXPECTED CORSAGE”!

This is not a drill! The young man is wearing a tie!

Notifying girl’s mother.

…

MOM DOWN! MOM DOWN!

All units converge on the mother’s location.

Proceed with operation Whiskey India November Echo on my command…

UPDATE: In addition to the beautiful miniature rose corsage, the young gentleman also insisted on buying her a bag of Skittles, and two heart shaped cookies. Afterward, I asked her if she knew about the corsage, etc. She admitted that, yes, he had asked her to the dance, and that he told her he’d be buying her a corsage. I asked her why she didn’t tell us. She replied that she was afraid of what daddy would do to him. Nice work, Augie. Ass.